Chapter 2

Why is it Always Sparkplugs

Chapter 2: Pop Rock Town/Prog Castle

So the trio set off down the long road towards Pop Rock Town. They could sense a gradual shift in the air as they left Metal City; the flocks of vultures were gradually replaced with ordinary birds like seagulls, the sky grew less crimson by the hour, and the smell of smoke and dead drummer faded into the distance. It was a long, tiresome journey, and they were getting close to running out of food; Afro suggested taking a shortcut through the Tornado of Souls, but Ghosty Ghost pointed out that not only would the tornado tear Orange apart in his weak, Poptart-less state, but it would consume his soul and leave him an empty, shallow husk. Afro still voted for it, of course, but the combined whiny panic of Orange and utter apathy of Ghosty Ghost managed to talk him out of it. Three days later, they were passing through the Hard Rock Mountains that overlooked Pop Rock Town when they heard a guitar riff in the distance, slowly getting louder and louder.

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT?!!!" yelled Orange "IT'S GETTING CLOSARRRRRR!!!!!"

"Why are you yelling?" scorned Ghosty Ghost. "It just sounds like a bunch of generic guitar chords."

"DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?? GENERIC GUITAR CHORDS CAN ONLY BE THE HARBRINGER OF-"

Just then, the chords reached their peak volume, the clouds parted, and a chariot flew in front of them, driven by 4 centicorns (a centipede with wings and a giant horn). Dave Grohl was piloting it, carrying a guitar over each shoulder, a microphone in his pocket, and sitting behind a drum kit that somehow fit in the chariot.

"WHY HAVE YOU ENTERED MY MOUNTAINS, TRAVELLERS? EXPLAIN YOURSELVES!"

"W, well, you see, we were kind of starving, an,and we wanted to go to um...Pop Rock Town to eeeearn some money," Orange began to stutter.

"ENOUGH! USING MY BELOVED PEAKS TO REACH THAT POP-BOMINATION IS SACRILEGE! I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL, UNLESS...YOU ANSWER THREE RIDDLES."

"Fine, let's get this over with," muttered Ghosty Ghost, as Dave Grohl cackled and played a triumphant drum fill...

"BEHOLD, THE FIRST RIDDLE!" yelled Dave Grohl, he waited a moment as if he knew someone would interrupt him. "Alright then, the first riddle is-"

"IVE GOT IT!" Yelled Afro, and then blindly charged Grohl (the most metal thing he could do in this situation was to interrupt someone, and then blindly charge at them.)

Afro flung himself into the air swinging wildly mid air but the Grohl had a counter-interruption already ready.

"WRONG!" he bellowed and promptly smote Afro where he stood. (in the air) specks of ash where Afro was slowly fell back to earth, making the sound of power chords, as well as the faint sound of "Whatta' ya mean i died?" as they hit the ground.

"alright, the next riddle." he continued on. "What's the difference between a cello and a viola"

"HA ha ha, thats easy," Ghosty Ghost laughed "One burns longer!"

"Ker, smoted." Grohl rolled his eyes.

Orange watched as Ghosty Ghost re-died and he nervously tried to anticipate the next question.

The almighty being then turned to Orange.

"you are the last to be tested! ARE YOU PREPARED!"

"No, not really." Orange mumbled

"HAHAHAHA, wrong answer!" Grohl yelled.

Orange watched as Grohl lifted up his hands in preparation of smoting. he could think back to his childhood; his first drum set, the covenant of the drumstick. and then how Afro and Ghosty had ruined his life by destroying his only home and then blamed it on him. his life pretty much sucked, well at least dying might be a nice reprieve.

at that though he suddenly was smote and found himself in a dark room with Afro and Ghosty.

"DAMN IT I LOST AUGHHH!!!!" Afro yelled throwing a tabel into a wall next to some other broken furniture.

He mournfully handed over his last $20 bill in his wallet to Ghosty who pocketed it.

"what just happened?" Orange asked; he was even more confused now then five seconds ago.

"I JUST LOST $20 BECAUSE YOU PASSED THE TEST!!!" he came over to Orange and threw him next to the table next to the wall next to the other broken things.

Orange was now confused and injured.

"well you see the point of Grohls test was to see if we were pop fans and if we were he would have actually smote us, but because we weren't he sent us here." explained Ghosty "well thats at least we came up with since there was a sign that said 'YOU PASSED' before Afro threw it at that wall where you're sitting; and bleeding."

"why'd he do that?" Orange asked

"because he couldn't throw me at the wall?" Ghostly replied

"why'd he want to do that?"

"Because he lost $20 that he couldn't find a way out in ten seconds"

"why'd he accept that bet?"

"because he wanted to win back his $20 from losing his bet against me that he couldn't throw me against that wall."

"so he's down $60, ouch."

"not really..."

"wait, seriously? how much is he down?

"$10,000; all in $20 bets."

"WHAT? How long have you been down here?

"about a day and a half."

"WHAT?"

"how long were we gone from your perspective?"

Afro was now beating a nearby wall to death. (if possible)

"about five seconds..." Orange said; he watched as Afro anomalistically tore at the wall.

"thats interesting..." Ghosty said half-heartly, he was watching afro mangle the wall as if it was a spectator sport.

on the other side of the room a door appeared and Ghohl opened it.

"Hey Guys!" he called in the room.

Orange turned around to look at Grohl, Ghosty turned around to look at Grohl, Afro charged.

As Afro charged, he was suspended in air by magical techo-nanites from the future, spewed out of Grohl's mouth. "Jeez guys, can't we all just get along?" Grohl sympathetically moaned.

"Fiiiiiine" replied Afro, " but we still need to get to Pop-Rock City to make money, as I'm now in debt 10,000 dollars...."

"Ah, Pop-Rock City, I know it well, since I've been in every pop-rock band to ever exist at every instrument!"... See More

"Don't care, more answers, less talking" replied Ghosty Ghost.

"The path to Pop-Rock city will be treacherous, as you have to avoid the chord spam cliffs, The rebellious teenager colony, and finally through the city walls, guarded by the corrupted souls of Green Day."

"Ugh, that is gonna take forever, we need some faster transport" Orange thought aloud.

"I shall grant you my fastest land boat, the Ace of Base, and with strong winds you should show up there in three days"

"Bah, metal people don't show up, we show DOWN!!!" Yelled Afro, in a faux-dramatic tone.

Orange managed to convince Dave Grohl to stay as a guide on the route to Pop Rock CIty in exchange for letting him play in the next five bands he ever started (sadly for Dave Grohl, Orange was cursed never to be in a band ever in his lifetime, so 50 years later, Dave returned from the dead to devour Orange's soul instead)

As they sailed towards the chord spam cliffs, Dave Grohl leaned over the side to gaze down wistfully. "I remember when I first visited these cliffs," he reminisced. "It was in my youth, so I had only been in 6 or 7 bands. I wasn't that much of an expert at-"

Unfortunately, Grohl's poignant monologue was delayed permanently when Afro shoved him over the side of the ship, sending him flying down into the rocks below.

"What the hell? You just killed our guide for no reason!!" screeched Orange.

"Eh, he was boring me. And besides, I needed his wallet to pay back Ghosty Ghost."

"Sorry," said Ghosty Ghost insincerely, "but you CAN'T pay me back with his money. It doesn't belong to you."

"It does now!" laughed Afro. "He's at the bottom of those cliffs, and no one could survive the fall from that height, no matter how METAL they are." Just then, as if the universe was conspiring to prove Afro wrong, Dave Grohl's chariot flew by overhead with him at the wheel, proving that he was neither dead nor at the bottom of the chord spam cliffs. The centicorns landed on the front of the Ace of Base, and Dave Grohl stepped out, glaring at Afro.

"You attempted to murder me," he charged, "and you insulted me by assuming that a mere fall from 500,000 feet could kill me. You must now be PUNISHED AND PUNCHIFIED!!!"

"Guys, guys, calm down!" Orange begged. "Can't we settle this peacefully, or at least quietly?"

"Very well," replied Grohl. "I will guide you the rest of the way to Pop Rock Town. But then Afro - you will face the highest criminal charge in the country - DEFIANCE AND ATTEMPTED MURDER OF GROHL - before the Ultimate Tribunal in charge of Justice For All!"

you

Afro smiled at Grohl's challenge. it was as he planned now all he needed to do was defeat him then consume his heart to make him one step closer to world domination.

Pop-rock town was getting closer every second. Afro could feel his hatred starting to boil and all the fear he would create there.

and there it was Pop-Rock Town. it was bright, and happy. the two things Afro hated the most (other then love and cuteness) birds flew through the town and a large open top stage was in the middle of a grassy field, stores, houses an statues of "great" players were constructed around the circular field.

There were only two things missing, Afro thought; Blood and Corpses.

as soon as Orange saw Afro's face he knew he was about to go on a field day. (as a side note, in Pop-Rock Town it was Annual Field day where there was a series of bands who played all day)

"Afro? what are you thinking?" Orange asked.

Afro blankly starred back at him and smiled. He got up and charged off the side and flew through the air towards Grohl's chariot.

Dave Grohl realized what Afro had planned too late. he was again kicked off but grabbed Afro and pulled him down with him. they struggled in the air but afro took control of the fall.

he landed Grohl right on top of the radio spike that was broadcasting Field day to the rest of the world, breaking the spire and impaling the god Grohl.

"AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Afro laughed maniacally and proceded to go on his "field day."

Orange and Ghosty looked over and watched the massacre that was ensuing.

Ghosty turned to Orange.

"Bet you $50 he kills everyone," Ghosty offered.

This was not a bet Ghosty Ghost could win however. Just as Afro began murdering his 29th victim, the corpses began to rise and fill with life once more. "NOOOO! coming back to life is so unmetal unless you release a few bad albums and change your bassist first!" Shouted Afro.

"Ho hum" replied a cheerful voice in the distance. "You can't kill in Pop-rock Town"

Who the hell are you" "and why not" said Ghosty Ghost and Afro respectively.

"Why I'm the mayor of Pop-Rock town Billie Joe Armstrong, and it is quite simple really, nothing bad can happen here, it is IMPOSSIBLE!"

"Wait a minute, you aren't a pop-rock artist, You're a punk! Shouted Orange for some reason...

"Ah, in the heydays of my youth I was angry, but as I got older I reali..."

"Don't care, need money, where can we find it/where is your wallet?" Asked Ghosty Ghost.

"You can't steal in Pop-Rock town!" Mayor BJA said.

"NOOOOOOOO, Lie?" Ghosty Ghost replied.

"Nope."

"Cheat?"

"Nope"

"D***it!"

"Oops, you can't swear in Pop-Rock town!"

"How can we get money then?" The three heroes said in unison.

"Well..."

Billie Joe Armstrong looked contemplative for a moment, or at least as contemplative as a pretentious pseudo-teen with eyeliner could get. "Now that I think of it," he said. "We do have an issue you could help us with, in exchange for 15000 dollars for each of you."

"Sweet! That'll more than pay Ghosty back!" exclaimed Afro. "What is it?"

"Pop Rock Town and the nearby Progtropolis have had a war going on for centuries. It began when-"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SAY IT," burst in Ghosty Ghost, "DON'T CARE. WANT MONEY."

"ANYWAY, they only recently realized that we can't actually die, so they've taken up a more diabolical approach. Instead of 'killing' our soldiers, they just capture them and hold them in jail permanently. Even when one escapes, he's never the same...starry eyes, pretentious thoughts, and he can't write a song under 6 minutes. So I need you to sneak into the Grand Castle of Prog and free all of the recently captured prisoners before they can be proggified."

"Where is it?" asked Orange. "I'm going to need a lot of Poptarts if this is going to be a long walk..."

"Right there," pointed Billie Joe, pointing into the deep forest they had flown over on their way there.

"D---it!" attempted Orange, forgetting Pop Rock City's code.

And so the preparation phase began. the "heros" spent the rest of the day looting as best they could, this mostly ended up in afro trying to rip peoples eyes out and implant them in other peoples eyes. mutilation didn't physically work because they always went back to the way they were but it usually did the trick. after a few hours the citizens who were permanently tormented for life pleaded with us to leave. they gave all they could spare, 25 poptarts for Orange, a nice leather hat for Ghosty, and Afro was "given" flowers. He gave them back their livers.

And off they were with nothing but blue skies and the angry yells like "leave and never come back" of Pop-Rock Town at their back.

the forest was as dark as it was foresty, mist shrouded the immediate view and beyond that lied nothing but outlines what could be seen as trees. Afro was on point with Ghosty in the middle and Orange at the back, he was munching on a poptart.

"Hmm, its quiet, and dark their could be a ambush anywhere. why didn't we get a lantern?" Afro said as he was walking

"oh i got one by ASKING, not that anyone knows what that is but here ill get it lit" Orange said, he proceeded to strike a match and light the lantern.

the light revealed the ninjas around around them.

"Damn it." Orange said, now that he was able to curse.

"just asking but why are you ninja's around here?" Ghosty asked.

"We have come a great distance, we are here to invade Pop-Rock Town, over on our island we are given no respect by Pop-Rock! SO WE WILL HAVE OUR REVENGE!" the Ninja said in a thick accent

"Ok whatever. Thats nice. Hope you have a good time. Bye." Afro said in a unfazed voice, he took the lantern and continued walking past them.

The ninjas were slightly distraught by the man who showed now fear in the face of danger and began to follow Afro.

"I said bye." Afro said again.

"you are strong, you must show us the way!" Said the ninjas in unison.

"seriously leave me alone, don't care. bye!" Afro said, he was starting to get annoyed

"Listen to how he cares little!" the leaderish one said, "We must follow his guidance!"

they all became silent and started walking aimlessly behind him.

Afro thought to himself, how could he use this....

"you guys got any money, master aint rich ya know." Afro said

"no we used our money for equipment!" they said, not really caring about the question as best they could.

"how about this, if you bring me the heads of 7 Nu-metal band singers ill teach you. oh and all their money."

"It will be done my lord," they said as they faded into the shadow

"hmm," Afro puzzled

"what is it Afro?" asked Orange

"Nu-metal city is on the other side of the world, we probably wont be seeing them for a while...."

"that sounds like a bad plot devise that will show up in 8 years," said Ghosty.

"Well, at least something will happen," Afro said back.

Afro pondered how far away from Prog-land they were. he was beginning to become deprived of death.

Quickly getting lost in the forest, the heroes had to quickly devise a plan on how to find...that place they were going...

"Damnit, where the hell are we? Shouted Afro.

"I dunno, we just need to find...wait, where are we going again?" Asked Ghosty Ghost.

"Maybe if you hadn't skipped the dialogue we would actually understand what we had to do in the quest, at least we have a map with a pretty arrow telling us where to go..." reasoned Orange.

The heroes followed the arrow for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few minutes. Suddenly the map showed some sort of squiggly line that must have represented their final destination (bad movie...).

"Yay, we made it to...that place...to do...that thing!" Stuttered Ghosty Ghost."

They approached as cautiously as the team could manage. As they got closer to the marker, all they could see in front of them was a dead body and a box.

"Hmmm, I wonder if this was the quest we had, lets go check it out yo" Said Ghetto Ghosty Ghost.

Afro searched the body, but could only find a stopwatch. "What the hell is this thing?"

"It looks like some sort of stopwatch, lets check our log and see if we need it." Said Orange. The log book then shot magical holograms into the sky and in a giant font stated "QUEST COMPLETED: YOU FOUND ERIC WILSON'S STOPWATCH!"

"Who the hell is he, and why the hell were we trying to find a stupid stopwatch?" Said Ghosty Ghost in an annoyed tone.

"Who cares, let's follow the arrow to get our reward for the quest" Replied Afro.

"Wait, we have to open the box first, maybe it has some loot!" Orange shouted.

"Fiiiine, I'll open it" Said ghosty Ghost.

Door is locked, it needs a lockpick.

Door is locked, it needs a lockpick.

Door is locked, it needs a lockpick.

Door is locked, it needs a lockpick.

Door is locked, it needs a lockpick.

"What the hell, that isn't even a door. Here I can open that lock easy, step aside" Afro said confidently.

Door is locked, it needs a lockpick.

Door is locked, it needs a lockpick.

Door is locked, it needs a lockpick.

"DAMNIT, WE NEED A GOD DAMN ROGUE ON OUR TEAM GRAAAAAWR!" Afro screamed

Okay, let's go take the box and search some taverns for a person to open it for us..." The team somehow said in unison.

They began searching the forest for a tavern, and though it was a pagne in the neck and they had to endure a lot of wining from Ghosty Ghost and Orange, they finally found one in the middle of a clearing four hours back. However, when they went inside, they found the floor covered in dismembered bodies and the ninjas they had sent were sitting on the bar stools half asleep.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? I SENT YOU TO KILL THE NU-METAL KINGS YESTERDAY!" Afro bellowed.

"Yeaaaaaaaaahh, abouuuuut thhhhattt," drawled the soberest ninja. "We decided it was too much work, so we thought we'd kill all the guys in this bar, pretend they were those metal guys, and show them to you. They did do a convincing job of being nu-metal singers though - their bodies certainly hit the floor."

"So...you were sent on a mission to assassinate just a handful of people, and decided it was too much work? You're pretty crappy ninjas, aren't you?" asked Orange.

"Yeah, murder tends to be item number one in the ninja job description," commented Afro. "Well, I guess we'll just be leaving now-"

"HOLD IT!" interjected Ghosty Ghost. "As usual, I'm the only one who actually remembers why we came here. Ninjas are rogues, right? ONE OF YOU BETTER OPEN THIS DAMN CHEST!"

"Alright, give it to me," the ninja replied. He opened it in a second, and handed it back to them. "That was the easiest chest I've seen in my life. Did you guys just never decide to learn anything about lockpicks? Because that was pathetic."

"Well, none of us are rogues," replied Orange, "and-"

"So you walked past all the signs?" asked the ninja. Orange looked outside and saw dozens of neon signs glowing in the distant treetops - "LOCKS PICKED HERE."

"ROGUEY MCROGUERSON'S ROGUE STORE"

"GET A LOAD - OR AT LEAST A LOCK - OFF YOUR CHEST."

""TOM'S FISH AND CHIPS - YES, WE PICK LOCKS."

"DAMMIT!"

"Are you people illiterate, or do you just not like noticing things?"

"DONT INSULT ME! JUST BECAUSE I CANT READ DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN HURT MY FEELINGS!!!!!!!" Afro yelled as he ran into a corner and began crying.

one of the ninjas approached him and patted him on the back

"im sorry, i didn't mean anything by it"

Afro grabbed his collar and pulled him close.

"First mistake. you insult me. Last mistake, you touch me. Last, last mistake, your not dead."

But then he was, and so were all the ninjas but one.

"DONT KILL ME ILL OPEN THE LOCKS FOR YOU" the ninja begged.

making someone beg for their life after killing all his friends was fairly metal. A 72 on the MMS, so he let him live.

"enough, Afro" Orange spoke up, "lets head back to that chest and see if we can get it open, hopefully the door isn't that much of a challenge either. Whats your name ninja?"

"i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-" the ninja stammered, he was in shock

"OUT WITH IT! NOW!!!!!!!" Afro yelled.

"why don't you keep yelling, that always helps." Ghosty said sarcastically

"REALLY I DIDNT KNOW THAT" Afro said genuinely, he obviously didn't hear or ignored the sarcasm. "HOW ABOUT THIS, NINJA, WHAT IS YOUR NAME!!!!!!!"

the ninja looked as if he was about to implode and have a heart attack at the same time.

"OK IVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BEING SCARED. IM GOING TO NAME YOU FOR YOU!!!!" Afro yelled again. "YOU'RE NAME IS...... " Afro looked around the torn apart tavern for inspiration for the new name. "IVE GOT IT YOU'RE NAME IS CHAIR!!!!!!"

"Chair?" Orange asked, "thats a ridiculous name couldn't you have thought of something else?"

"NO, I KNEW IT WAS THE RIGHT NAME!!!! DONT YOU LIKE IT CHAIR?" Afro towered over the newly named ninja.

he cowered and nodded slightly.

"see even he likes it Orange, cant you see that" Ghosty said in a mocking tone.

"Well, um. FINE, whatever. his name is Chair then, can we please get along with this quest?"

"we were on a quest...? since when?" asked Ghosty.

Orange rolled his eyes, "alright then back to the door."

and he proceeded though the tavern door. Chair and Ghosty followed him out.

"ill be right out!" yelled Afro after them. and as stealthily as a fully armed colossus could, he crept behind the counter and took all the alcohol he could store in his backpack. under a soon to be half full bottle of wine there was a key, he eyed it picked it up and dropped it in his bag. "well it could be useful" he thought to himself as he giddily left the tavern to where Orange, Chair and Ghosty were waiting.

Mr. Chairy Chair (who may or may not have been a woman) was bewildered by this new group he was traveling with, as they seemed to have absolutely no sense of direction...or short term memory.

"Yay, we finally found a town!" shouted orange.

"Wait a minute, something seems odd about this one, and why is everyone staring at us?" questioned Ghosty Ghost.

"THIS IS THE SAME TOWN WE WERE IN LAST TIME DAMNIT!" yelled Mr. Chairy Chair "WE"VE GONE THROUGH THIS GATE 6 TIMES!!"

"Ooooh, so we weren't supposed to take 3 lefts and a right then...I'll write that in the journal for next time" Ghosty Ghost said as he scribbled in his journal.

"That is what you said last time, and we made the same mistake, and I would tell me if you would stop gagging me and throwing me in the box!" reasoned Mr. Chairy Chair

"But each time we let you go you start complaining again, sorry but it is necessary, and besides, throwing people in boxes is a free 21 metal points" answered Afro.

"Fiiiine, just let me write in that journal the real directions so we don't arrive in this town again...WAIT WHAT?!?! All you have in this journal is drawings of unicorns!"

"Yeah, when you start talking I get bored and start drawing unicorns, but look, I drew one with a funny hat the last time we talked!"

"Whatever, as quest leader, I have decided we are going to go on a quest in that door over there" Said Afro, in a tone fit for a unicorn with a funny hat.

"It looks like a regular house, and is probably locked anyways. We could untie Mr. Chairy Chair, but that would take forever" reasoned Orange.

"Here, I bet this key I stole will work on it, then we'll finish the quest by robbing the house, and get the reward of selling all of their silverware!"

"Here we go then...yay it worked! Okay, let's see what is behind boring man's boring house..." suspensed Ghosty Ghost.

As the team stepped inside, they realized this did not seem much like a house, it looked like some sort of dungeon, though the team doubted it could fit multiple dragons inside.

"GOD DAMNIT I HATE DUNGEON QUESTS!" Shouted Afro.

"Hey look, there are some nice fellows waiting under a bridge, we should ask them for directions!" Said Ghosty Ghost as he continued to draw in his journal without actually looking to see if his statement was true.

Orange looked forward, and there were indeed several people waiting under a bridge, although the 'friendly' description was rather questionable, since they were holding pistols and glaring at the approaching adventurers, and the 'bridge' part was even more questionable, since it was more like a body of unknown origin, suspended above the men by several chains and appearing quite dead. The man standing in the middle who seemed to be the leader had large hair and seemed vaguely familiar...

"Well, since you're all standing around being useless, I guess I'LL have to be the one to ask for directions," said Afro, and he marched toward the cluster of men. "Excuse me, could you tell us how to get to Progtropolis?"

"Someone asked us how to get directions once," said the man on the left in a menacing tone. "That's him." He pointed upwards. "He's dead."

"I think we gathered that last part..." replied Afro. "Could you just tell us where to go so we don't have to consume your souls?"

"NEVER!" cried the leader in a piercing voice. "We will never surrender anything, not even information, to heathens like you!"

Just then, it hit Orange. The enormous, spiky hair, the high pitched squealing voice, the neon guitar cheesily strapped around his back - it was the leader of the hair metal priests who had first burned down his monastery and forced him to go on this horrendous journey with these horrendous people!

"YOU!" he bellowed. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU BON-JOVI WORSHIPPING BASTARD?!!"

The hair metal chieftain seemed taken aback for a second. "OHH, it's that dude we were trying to kill a few months ago. Hey, man, what's up? Remember when we burned down your monastery? Good times, good times..."

"THEY WERE NOT GOOD TIMES! YOU DESTROYED MY ONLY HOME AND FORCED ME TO SUBSIST SOLELY ON POPTARTS AND SNARKY GHOST COMMENTS! YOU WILL PAY!"

"And you say you burned down the monastery - I did that! No one takes credit for my most metal accomplishment ever! YOU WILL PAY!" Afro also prepared to fight.

"I have no emotional investment in this battle, but yeah, I guess you'll pay and all that..." Ghosty Ghost apathetically intoned.

And Chair would have said something, but he was gagged.

Afro as always charged in, as to be expected at this point in the story. Orange though angry used his favorite tactic of take cover and Ghosty ghosted over to the neon posers and started bombarding them with slanders that would cause most trees to commit suicide. Chair wasn't used to this type of action and proceeded to hop around uselessly in panic.

now normally when a Metal Prophet rushes you blindly in rage mode flailing his axe in front of him like a wild man, most people would run away (including trees). Now just because these guys had been living under the bridge they thought they had some high-ground advantage or something. Wrong. They actually had the advantage of knowing the terrain around them before being cleaved into small bite size bits.

After all of them were missing at least all of their vital organs, Orange's revenge interrogation began of the one who killed all of his friends and made Afro burn down his home at seeing the opportunity to do so.

"WHO AM I" Orange yelled at the semi-limbless hair metal guy.

"Guhghhahgh" The mangled corpse responded, he did pretty well since he was missing his jaw and all....

"WHY DID YOU KILL MY FAMILY!!!!!"

"Ghuuuahshahhh...." he responded.

"WHO SENT YOU!!!!!"

"HGUohhhdoOnnnnnn.........

" the thing said with it's dying breath.

"GOD DAMN IT!" Orange cursed, "GREAT! we learned nothing from him. what a waste of time!"

"not at all, i understood him completely." Afro commented.

"What? How could you understand him?" Orange responded

"Well you see, i've talked to a lot of dead people, this is kinda like the same thing, he just wasn't fully dead. yet."

"Then what did he say?" Ghosty asked.

"well firstly to 'WHO AM I' he said something like, 'a very confused moron.' and to 'WHY DID YOU KILL MY FAMILY!!!!!' he said 'because you had new talent for our religion' i think he means Hair Metal by that. and finally when you asked him, 'WHO SENT YOU!!!!!' his reply 'HGUohhhdoOnnnnnn.........

' was just the sound he made when his heart was pulled out. Not that i would know anything about that." Afro put something under his cloak before Orange could see what it was.

"thanks Afro. You really helped this one. We almost got somewhere," Ghosty said sarcastically.

"So. What. Are. We. Going. To. Do. Now." Orange said, putting emphasis on every word to take his anger out on Afro verbally.

Chair fell over on one of the body and the sound of metal clinking could be heard. Afro ignored Orange's question and walked over

"ooh, interesting, whats this," Afro asked, his attention on anything seemed to be short-lived. and shiny things or things that made cool noises were way more interesting.

This was nothing. Chair knocked over a chair, which hit a chain, which pulled a lever that killed a taxidermist 2000 miles away. Why this lever existed will never be known (For three chapters).

The heroes continued in the mysterious dungeon, in search of loot or another log entry telling them what to do. Along one of the numerous maze like paths (having taken the left path every time), the heroes encountered a pit.

It was one of those scary pits with smoke and spikes on the botton, likely a one hit kill if one of them did fall down it. On the other side of said pit was a telephone, which was strange because telephones didn't exist, but it was made of wood, so the plot worked...

"Hmmm, it seems to be some sort of puzzle that will test our wits and dexterity"

"Shut up Chair" Afro said as he pushed Chair off the cliff and intot he spike pit. "Well, we'll never ever see him again, nope, never" thought Afro.

"Great, there goes my plan of decapitating him and using his body as a rope, great" Ghosty ghost bemused, not realizing he could float across the pit.

"Well, we'll have to figure out some other anti-climactic way across then...hey look, some mysterious runes on the wall!" Orange shouted as he approached the wall.

"Don't worry, I can read runes, I'm a runeologist!" Lied Ghosty Ghost.

Runes cannot be deciphered, requires a tome.

Runes cannot be deciphered, requires a tome.

Runes cannot be deciphered, requires a tome.

Runes cannot be deciphered, requires a tome.

"DAMNIT, now we need to find a wizard in this dungeon or figure out a different way across the 14x14 foot pit!"

"GODDAMNIT, I HATE MAZES," Afro said. "IF I EVER MEET ANYONE WHO'S EVER DESIGNED A MAZE, OR HAS EVER BEEN IN A MAZE, OR IS EVEN NAMED MAZE, I AM GOING TO RIP THEIR KIDNEYS OUT AND CONSUME THEM IN FRONT OF THEIR TERRIFIED FACE."

"Doing that will nephron solve anything..." commented Ghosty Ghost. "Guys, this is a crazy idea, but what if we took the right fork on one of those paths instead of the left? Doing the same thing over and over again is cool and all, but maybe whoever built this maze was just trying to screw with us and the first right we take will lead to teh treasure hordez..."

"LAAAMMME," Orange burst in. "We just need a good running start and we can get over this spike pit. It's only a few dozen feet wide...I've jumped over worse back in the lava storms of '33. Hmm, maybe if I pull up on the ground, it'll give me enough force to get over it...NO, I KNOW! If I kick a stone into the spike pit, it'll be distracted, so it won't be able to impale me!!!"

He started running forward before Ghosty Ghost could tell him how piteous his plan was, gave one of the rocks lying next to the spike pit a mighty, forceful kick, and was about to jump to a painful, spiky demise when the ground shook tumultuously, throwing him off balance and knocking him away from the spike pit. Under where the rock had been was yet another lever, and Orange had accidentally triggered it.

"My god, it's like our party is some kind of magnet for levers..." muttered Afro.

"Oh, that would be SO COOL! It would find any hidden levers, so you could open EVERYTHING. And if you built a dungeon with a lever, then lost it, you could find it again! And then you could also make a magnet for switches, and spike pits, and locked chests, and open chests, and runes, and sandwiches, and lost house keys, and-" Orange trailed off as he saw both Ghosty Ghost and Afro staring at him with that "what the hell are you talking about?" face.

Just then, the dungeon wall to their right began to crack and open, and a short, gnome-like gnome popped out. He started to talk, instantly irritating all three of the heroes with his convoluted, crappy rhymes:

"Hello everyone in this dungeon,

I hope you weren't planning to stay for luncheon.

I can get you past that spike pit,

Just ask my name, or be prepared to hike it!"

"Alright, I guess I'll resist my urge to stab you for a second...what's your name?" Afro reluctantly asked.

"Asking me my name seems to be the new craze,

So I'll tell you that my name is Maze!"

Afro had never had a harder time not ripping out someone's kidneys and eating them in his life.

Unfortunately for the gnome, Afro failed his will save roll to restrain himself and so he picked up the short gnome tore off both his arms and thew him into the pit which Orange had almost killed himself in.

"well now that thats over, lets get back to jumping over the abysmal spikey pit!" he said happily

Orange just stared at Afro as if he had ruined his plan or something, but before Orange could tell Afro off the earth began to shake again, they had triggered another lever.

"AWWW WHAT THE HELL!" Afro cursed at the opposing wall of the dungeon.

then out popped another gnome, with the same stupid rhyme and same stupid face, the difference he wasn't at the bottom of a pit with no arms.

"Hello everyone in this dungeon,

I hope you weren't planning to stay for luncheon.

I can get you past that spike p-"

"WAIT! didn't Afro just kill you?" Orange exclaimed

Ghosty ghosted over to the pit which he could easily have floated over and activated the seal for the pit of death on the other side. although not realizing this he looked down into the pit and checked if the small annoying gnome was dead.

"yup, he's dead." Ghosty remarked

"Well, i have a simple solution for all paradoxes!" Afro yelled

"WAIT AFRO DONT!" Orange yelled

But before Orange could say more Afro took the gnome pulled off both his arms and threw him into the spike pit.

"Alright problem solved. now the universe wont explode"

just as Afro said that the earth began to shake again. and out poped the same stupid gnome.

"Hello everyone in this dungeon,

I hope you weren't planning to stay for lu-"

"NOPE!" Afro replied

"WAIT AFRO STOP! WE NEED A WAY ACROSS!" Orange yelled

But before Orange could say more Afro took the gnome pulled off both his arms and threw him into the spike pit.

"Gnomes 0 Afro 3. good game, good game." Ghosty said

just as Ghosty said that the earth began to shake again. and out poped the same stupid gnome.

"Hello everyone in this dungeon,

I hope you were-"

"Denied!" Afro replied

"STOP KILLING OUR ONLY WAY ACROSS!!!!" Orange yelled as loud as he could.

But before Orange could say more Afro took the gnome pulled off both his arms and threw him into the spike pit.

This event went on for about a hour until the 14 foot wide hole was completely filled with bodies.

"alright well i guess its save to cross now.... this was the scrubbiest and dumbest solution to a puzzle i've ever seen." Orange said.

"well, you haven't worked with me long enough then. lets get going before another one comes, i don't want to have to block off our exit with bodies." Afro responded

and as they strolled out of danger from a spike pit that really wasn't that much of a threat any ways the light sound of 'Hello everyone in this dungeon' could be heard reverberating on the walls. to prove he was better then the walls that could "reverberate;" Afro hacked every wall to bits.

The team ignored the sounds in the wall, having seen that movie with that guy once. Walking along the barren halls of the dungeon, the team quickly grew bored of the dungeon, and decided their quest was now to escape the dungeon.

Getting out of the dungeon would prove difficult however, as every five minutes they would reach a dead end, and no matter how hard the team tried, they could not make it any more dead.

Without any water or ectoplasm to keep the group sane (or at least less insane), they quickly began devising plans that had no chance of working.

"Hey, what if we made a TUNNEL! Then we could just dig our way out!" thought Orange aloud.

"Fine, I guess it is better than the run 87 miles an hour to go back in time and warn ourselves plan..." Ghosty Ghost replied.

"Okay, so we need a shovel, a person willing to do work, and a person with a bachelors degree in engineering" Afro continued.

"I'M AN ENGINEER!" Yelled Ghosty Ghost.

"No you aren't" sassed Afro.

"DAMNIT!"

"Okay, so now our quest is to find a shovel. And someone needed to dig that pit, and have the knowledge to make it 14 dozen feet (168 feet for our viewers at home), so he/it must be around here somewhere!" Rambled Orange.

"We just need to look for the engineering room" Double reasoned Afro.

After hours of going around in circles, Orange noticed a sign that said "Help desk" on it, and decided that getting help would be a good idea, little did he know getting help was a -5 on the MMA scale.

As he attempted to open the door however, it exploded.

There, I have no idea where I am going with this plot, but everything should end in an explosion.

Orange was knocked backwards and knocked out by the explosion. When he came to, he was lying in a lush forest grove, surrounded by fruit trees and giant, overhanging ferns. Orange slowly got up and looked around, but there was no one in sight. As he began to walk through the forest, one of the strawberry trees began to melt and a man stepped out of it. His entire head was covered in massive thick layers of hair - it looked like Afro and a lion had had a baby that was then raised by Dave Mustaine.

"OH GOD, it's a hobo!" panicked Orange. "Don't take my wallet, I mean I don't have a wallet, I mean my wallet is...poisoned! no, um..."

"Be calm, traveler, I mean you no harm," said the bearded man in an otherworldly, narcotic voice. "I am the protector of all those who seek help."

"But...all I did was look for the help desk in that maze."

"It matters not to me, I protect all help seekers equally and bring them to new levels of enlightenment, removing them from the fallow endarkenment in which they have lived."

"okaaaaay...who are you anyway?"

"My name is not important, but if you must - call me Jerry Garcia. Now, will you walk with me down the path of transcendence, through the veils of history, on a long strange trip to inner peace?"

"No," replied Orange bluntly.

"No?"

"No. While you seem marginally less crazy than my previous traveling companions, I have found inner peace and it is poptarts."

"But-"

"Sorry, not interested."

"YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!! THIS IS YOUR REALITY NOW!!!" Suddenly, the bearded man began to grow hair at a rapid rate, until it started forming into giant, evil claw tentacles reaching for Orange and chasing him through the fruit groves. Orange ran like the wind, fueled by fear and lemons, until he tripped over a root and lay sprawled underneath the strawberry tree Jerry Garcia had first appeared from.

"This is bad, very bad," Orange thought. "I need to prove that this L.S.Demon isn't real somehow. BUT HOW???" Then, as the claws began to wrap around his neck, he had it. "OOOOOOBBBBJJJEEECCCTTTIII

OOOONNNN!" Orange yelled at the top of his voice. "There's no such thing as a strawberry tree!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOO!!" cried Garcia. As he screamed, the entire fruit grove began to unravel, collapsing in on itself and dissolving into miniature fractals made of pears, peaches, and pomegranates. Orange began to be sucked into an infinite void at the center of the artificial grove universe...

...and then he woke up to the sound of Afro and Ghosty Ghost laughing at him.

They weren't really just laughing at him, it was more like laughing with him at him because Orange had gone into some type of hallucinogenic laughing spasm.

"GUYS ITS JERRY GARCIA AND HIS STRAWBERRY TREES ARE OUT TO GET ME" Orange said while still in an altered state.

"Yup, hes got cave dementia" Ghosty said.

"really, i thought it was dark-damp area dementia." Afro argued back.

as they got into a argument and bets were being placed Orange began to slip into his narcotic induced state.

"MY SCREEN IS SIDEWAYS!!! RUN!!!! RUN!!!!!!!! AUGH, CAVE MEN!!!!"

Orange shimmied into a wall and flipped yet another trigger in this dungeon. this one however didn't make a stupid gnome thing pop out of a wall. this time they suddenly found themselves outside the cave in a strange dark area. the night sky loomed above them.

"What the hell..." Afro trailed off "Ghosty where the hell are we."

"i think we have all caught outdoor dementia." he replied

"how do you figure that?" Afro asked

"i have a P.H.D." Ghosty pulled out a piece of paper that looked surprisingly like a napkin and flashed it at Afro. "See."

"THE SKY! its like i'm dead. I'M SIDEWAYS!!!!!!" Orange called to the sky.

"Look theres no way we got outside, we were in a dungeon a minute ago, and then suddenly were just out here?" Afro said.

"Did you not hear me? OUTDOOR DEMENTIA!" Ghosty replied again putting emphasis on his words then flashed his "P.H.D. a few more times to be safe.

"your wrong, and you know why i know that. BECAUSE MY ENEMY ISNT HERE!!!! DAMNED WALLS!!!!!!" Afro yelled. he pulled his guitar off his back and swung at where he could feel his hatred taking him.

CLANG!

The illusion was shattered as Afro's axe split through a glass wall into a control room. The stupid gnome from before was sitting on a three legged stool drinking black tea from a cup proportionate to his little body. the little annoying nameless stupid thing was in shock.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT IT WAS ALL AN ILLUSION!!!!" the gnome bellowed.

"ILLUSIONS ITS ALL ILLUSIONS!!!" Afro yelled.

Before the gnome could do something he was armless and then sliced into small bits.

"HOLY CRAP! that was actually real?" Afro yelled "i thought it would have just been another illusion...."

Orange who had been induced by the illusions snapped out of it just as easily as he had been taken over by it.

"YOU KILLED OUR ONLY WAY OUT AGAIN!!!!" Orange yelled.

"not really, theres a exit sign right over there" Afro said, he pointed to a sign over a door that said "EXIT" in red capitol letters.

"oh, well then. how were you not effected by the illusions then?"

"Drugs... tons of Drugs.... i've seen my share, this was nothing...." Ghosty replied as he drifted off to fond un-memories (un-memories: memories you think you had but were too inebriated to tell if those memories were actually real.)

"then what about you Afro?" Orange asked

"Back when i was young, each metal prophet is given one power and one drawback by Dave Mustaine and the other metal gods. my power is regeneration based on the MMS of the surrounding area. My weakness, is that i can never have drugs. Years after years i've searched for the right one... but none have ever worked... so i've just been selling all of them, i realized that i needed some cash to pay ghosty back so i got into the drug cartel, mostly i just steal and re-sell, but ya know, its a living" Afro said

"why would Dave ever give you such a drawback," Orange asked

"He can be the only one ever to reach 100 on the MMS so he gives his followers weaknesses so they can never achieve such a feat."

"Wah-wah boo-hoo. Time to leave, i'm bored" Ghosty said as he floated towards the Exit sign.

(Swishy sound) Flaaaaaaaashhhbaaaaack(End Swishy Sound)

Ghosty Ghost was not a ghost. He was in fact quite living if you consider being a peasant farmer with 8 kids and a deranged wife. But besides that and the constant threat of starvation, life was good. All until that one fateful day when a mysterious rock (which could have been from the future *wink *wink) hit him on the head. From that day forward, Hernard Nowell (Ghosty Ghost) thought a chair in his house was talking to him.

This did not go over well with Hernard's wife, a former super secret spy for the Freemason NWO Illuminati Coalition World Government (or FNICWG), who had attempted to assasinate Hernard every night, but failed. Now her mission was even more impossible, since the chair predicted her every move. Becoming quite annoyed, she quit her mission and set out to destroy Behemoth, the FNICWG's #1 most wanted criminals.

Hernard did not quit however, and continued to stalk his former wife, since the chair told him to, eventually trying to get her attention by blowing up her parent's plane. She didn't notice however, since she was locked in Mortal Kombat with Inferno for three seasons of 26 episodes. Hernard arrived at the fight just as it reached its close, seing his beloved wife murdered before he could love her to death. His wife's body was never found though (*wink *wink, *nudge *nudge). Hernard then set out to find her, and two days later tripped on some sand. A palm tree them fell on his head, erasing his memories, and turning him into Ghosty Ghost.

(Swishy sound)End Flaaaaaaashhhhbaaaaack(Swishy Sound)

"Boy am I thirsty" Ghosty ghost thought.

Afro, Ghosty Ghost, and Orange walked/floated/deliriously

ambled out the EXIT door. When they got out the door, they found themselves in a tunnel with dim, cobweb-covered chandeliers hanging overhead and an old, weatherbeaten but regal carpet flowing across the floor like a soft blue cobra.

"Oh boy, that dungeon must have led into some generic castle or other...never seen any of those before" Ghosty Ghost muttered.

"Pretty sure most generic castles don't come with those," Afro said, pointing to a surveillance camera that was tucked behind an otherwise normal shield.

"Wait a minute, I recognize the coat of arms on that shield!" Orange yelped. "My grandfather worked for the FNICWG, and that was their symbol! This castle must belong to them, AND THEY'RE WATCHING US THIS VERY INSTANT THROUGH THAT SECRET SURVEILLANCE CAMERA!!!!"

"Yeah, I'm sure no coat of arms has ever consisted of two lions standing proudly around a shield. It's not like that's the MOST COMMON SYMBOL EVER. And that camera is pointed away from us, sooooo..."

"But, but...I thought it was a conspiracy! All I wanted was a conspiracy..." As Orange sulked dejectedly, two guards leapt out from the shadow behind a suit of armor just like panthers, except that panthers usually aren't carrying deadly halberds.

"You have violated the perimeters of the Grand Castle of Prog, breaking Progtropolis law, and now you will be flogged, executed, and then sternly lectured. Do you have anything to say for yourselves, you remorseless transgressors?"

'The Grand Castle of Prog...why does that sound vaguely familiar?', pondered Orange.

"WHADDAYA MEAN, I'M BREAKING THE LAW?! I THOUGHT ALL I WAS BREAKING WAS YOUR SKULLS!" yelled Afro. He tackled one guard, snapped his spear in two, and hurled it at the surveillance camera, leaving a sharp, shiny hole in it. The other guard tried to stab Afro, but he ducked, then grabbed the guard and shoved him sideways, impaling him on the excruciatingly inconveniently placed suit of armor.

"Well, that takes care of that," commented Afro unnecessarily.

"THANK YOU, KIND SIRS! YOU HAVE SAVED OUR PEOPLE FROM WEEKS OF IMPRISONMENT!"

"WHAT? I HATE saving people! And where's that voice coming from?"

"Look up, kind sir, and you will see the graceful faces of those you have spared from a cruel fate!!" Afro looked up and saw three prison cages packed full of prisoners with surprisingly large smiles for people who had been jailed for 'weeks'. "We knew Pop Rock Town would send noble heroes like yourselves to rescue us eventually!"

"Noble?" asked Orange.

"Heroes?" asked Afro.

"POP ROCK TOWN?!!" all three exclaimed. "Wait a minute, guys," said Ghosty Ghost. "We just accidentally got back on the main quest line. You know what this means..."

"We get to get more sweet rewards from Billie Joe, like dozens and dozens of Poptarts!" cheered Orange.

"We can rip out these guys' livers, and they'll just grow back!" cheered Afro.

"NO. It means we're going to have to take these guys back to Pop Rock Town, and that can only mean one thing...AN ESCORT MISSION."

"DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIITTTTT!"

There was nothing that Afro hated more then escort missions, except buffet but that was on a whole other level of hatred. it probably even need a new word like Gigatosimo Caticrushic. (why? who knows...) and usually things that afro hates ends up dead. or super dead. also, last time Afro had checked the MMS meter, leaving someone to die was only a 33. so killing them on sight was probably not the best move yet....

"THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAVING US" said the blissfully unaware villagers.

"Your welcome." Afro respond in the most forced, hatred filled 'your welcome' of all time, he followed it up with a smile that could have made a stone wall explode. in fact, one of the walls opposite of him did. but not from the smile.

three people stormed in the newly opened hole in the wall. there was a paladin, a priest and some noble looking hero-esc character.

"WE ARE HERE TO SAVE THE VILLAGERS OF POP ROCK TOWN FROM THE DARKNESS OF EVIL" said the paladin in a stereotypical noble accent.

"Jeeze, what a racist." Ghosty said.

"How dare you insult us evil fiend. Be damned to hell yo incarnation of ungoodlyness! FOR BUFFET!" they yelled in unison as they charged.

And that was when Afro cracked. No one liked Buffet in front of me, he thought. he bellowed a huge roar and tore out the charging paladin's soul and then devoured it. the paladin shrieked in terror as his soul was devoured. the paladin exploded and both of the other members met a likewise defeat at the hands of Afro. (on a side note, souls also taste just like chicken)

"you know Afro, i normally don't appreciate your work, but that was pretty awesome." Orange commented.

Afro would have been touched at the compliment but he was still in RAGE MODE and so he flung himself further into the castle.

"soo... Ghosty..." Orange said to Ghosty as he watched Afro run down the hallway like a madman

"ya Orange. what?" Ghosty responded in turn.

"do we just wait for him to do his thing or just ya know... try to do something..."

"ok heres something, $50 he destroys the castle." Ghosty said sarcastically.

"Hey look, a FIRE PIT!!"

"Damnit not again!" Afro shouted as one of the Pop-Rock Town hostages jumped into the fire. "That is the third villager we've lost, and we haven't even left the castle."

"It is as if they want to die and have us fail the mission..." Ghosty Ghost bemoaned.

The heroic trio left the castle and made their way into what they thought was a path back to Pop-Rock Town, but with all of the unicorn drawings, it was hard to tell. After losing another 85 villagers to spikepits/poisonous plants/lions/accidental suicide by nail clipper, the group finally reached the place where they met those ninjas.

"Hey guys, remember that time we met that guy names Chair in that bar over there...yeah, good times." Orange thought spoke.

"Yeah, I wonder what happened to that guy..." Said Afro in a befuzzled sigh.

"Well, now that we know where the hell we are, we can figure out where to go, just like the seasons, passing by us and guiding the year, much like our lives. I'm reminded of a quote by S.L Broshesher, who said..." Orange trailed as he realized he didn't know what he was saying "Oh noes, I've been possesed by a folk singing demon, soon he'll consume my lyrical soul with drug addled metaphorism!"

"Don't care, need money. We'll fix you later, which may or may not involve murdering you." Ghosty Ghost interjected.

"Oh yeah, I forgot we get payed for this gig, which may only be a 15 on the MMS, but if I spend the money on weapons, it is upped to a 27." Afro afroed.

"You still have to pay back your debts to me though...with super advanced mega default double swap interest"

"DAMNIT, paying off your debt, while a solid financial move considering the need of a solid credit score, is the LEAST metal action one can take, it could take me months to make up all the metal I'll lose!"

"You shoulda thought of that before you gambled with the Ghosting Market." As Ghosty Ghost said that, he exploded.

With a mere 26 villagers left, the heroes finally reached Pop Rock Town...or what they thought had been Pop Rock Town. All that remained in place of the shiny buildings and smiling morons was a mysterious black ring burnt into the ground in the center of town and Billie Joe, who for some reason was the only person left in the village.

"This place is as empty as the chasm my soul swims across to reach the silver lake, near the hollow gates where trees fall while spring calls, and...DAMMIT, the folk demon is back in my mind again!" Orange yelled.

"Guess he's just demon-strating his power," said Ghosty Ghost, who had learned soon after his death that painful puns were a perfect way to get vengeance on the living.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE ??!" bellowed Afro, drawing their attention away from Ghosty Ghost and back to the fact that a metropolis had turned into a ghost town in a matter of days. "Where did everyone go, why is there a giant smoldering ring there, and why the HELL is THAT guy the only one who survived?"

"Hello, and welcome to Pop Rock Ruin, former home of Pop Rock Town! Would you like to buy a brochure?" enthused Billie Joe.

"Instead of a brochure, how about paying us for traveling for days through the woods, a dungeon, and a FREAKING CASTLE, just to rescue 100...er, 20 of your villagers and escort them back here? You did promise us tons o' cash, and I owe Ghosty Ghost enough that he could legally sell me into slavery..."

"My villagers? I don't know what you're talking about? I am Samuel Jim Armstrong, and I sell brochures. Would you like to buy one? It's shiny, with lots of colorful pictures and-"

"DON'T CARE. Give us money, or we kill you," Ghosty Ghost ultimatumed.

"But I don't have any money! Maybe we can work out some kind of deal?"

"Sure, we can go for an installment plan," offered Afro. "THE COLLATERAL IS YOUR LIFE." Then he disemboweled Samuel Jim.

"That was harsh, man, harsher than the cold winds that blow across the tundra of discontent. It was like an axe had fallen out of Pandora's box, chopping off the necks of the Muses on its way into the River Styx. It darkened the sky like a twisted storm, burning a hole in my soul that ARGGGHHH."