Chapter 4

Why is it Always Sparkplugs Chapter 4: Tonight There’s Gonna be a Jailbreak/Coldplay battle

They had waited in the jail cell (which was much more comfortable than the jail cytoplasm Afro had once done time in on multiple counts of arson, murder, and disorderly conduct) for three hours - about as much time as it took Ghosty Ghost to get tired of Afro and Orange's constant bickering over which was higher on the MMS, robbing an orphanage or tying up a deaf man on train tracks - when the guards came back to the cell.

"Whoops, we forgot to actually lock it. Close call there. Ha ha ha!" they laughed jovially as they reached for the key ring in their medieval belts. Unfortunately, Afro was right next to the cell door at the time, and he slammed it open, knocking one guard over. Orange ran out of the jail cell as well, and he headbutted the other guard to the brink of unconsciousness as he reached for his sword to swing at Afro.

"WE'RE FREE!!!" Orange exclaimed.
"But where the hell are we?" pondered Afro. "And where do we go now? If I can't be king of Progtropolis...is life worth living???" He slumped down dejectedly as uplifting acoustic guitar began to play in the background.

"Orange, cut that out!" snapped Ghosty Ghost and the guitar was silenced. "Afro, when I'm feeling down - which never happens, since I'm a ghost and always floating...like my awesome punz? - I just remember one thing: something worse can and will happen soon."

"Thanks, that...that means a lot, coming from an incorporeal being like yourself. I think I'm ready to TAKE BACK MY THRONE. But first..."

"AHA! I thought I heard ellipses!" Three more guards were sprinting down the corridor, led by a guard on the edge with a heart of gold, an itchy trigger finger, and nothing to lose but his life, and hopefully his obnoxious South Dnoralhonian accent with it. "Y'all have commited some serious crimes. Double E-lipse use on top of your prexisting charges, not to mention the minor misdemeanor of attacking your guards. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to present you hombres with two choices, each more deadly than the last. First, I can-"

"I HAVE A WRIT!" yelled Orange, pulling out a wrinkled piece of paper with an official-looking blue seal on it that complemented its chocolate stains perfectly.

"You do? Well now, don't that beat all? Let me take a gander at it, pardner...Hold on one infernal second - this is a 50% off coupon from Dave Grohl's Medieval Steakhouse, not a Writ of Execution!"

"It isn't? But I thought it-"

"And ADDIN' A COUNT OF DECEIVIN' A PROGTROPOLIS GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE! Them's serious news, pardner. I'll let you folks have it your way - I can give y'all a jail term for life here, or I can take y'all up northwest with a one way ticket to the frozen pyramids in the tundra wastes and leave y'all in exile there. Choose wisely! MUHAHAH!" He laughed like a wildebeest that was trying hard to pretend it wasn't a wildebeest.

"Let me get this straight - we have two options, and one of them involves leaving this deadend craptown? For free? Do you even have to ask?" The whole team once again somehow said in unison.

Afro enjoyed the simple things in life; Killing kittens, burning kittens, maiming kittens, flinging kittens off bridges, soldering kittens... but any ways, there was also things Afro didn't enjoy. and one of the highest things he hated most (under not killing kittens and other plot devises) was obviously: being locked up and or being lectured by guards.

It was a good thing over the years Afro has honed his skills in not caring and ignoring people. Although even now he was still moderately terrible at both said skills.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY" Afro yelled with maniacal glee while pulling out Kenkon, The Axe-Naginata of Egypt.

"wait a moment. Is that Kenkon, The Axe-Naginata of Egypt?" asked one of the less important guards.

"WAIT WHAT? Kenkon, The Axe-Naginata of Egypt?" said the second guard. "I thought that you thought that that was just a myth!"

"DAMN IT!!!! WE FORGOT TO TAKE THE PRISONERS WEAPONS AWAY TOO!???!????" yelled the third and most yelly-pants guard.

"AS RIGHTFUL HEIR TO THE THRONE OF DOOMHAMMER I BESEECH YOU GOOD TIDINGS!!!!!!!!!" Afro yelled as he did what he did best (charging forward). "TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!"

Moments later...

"Shouldn't we have taken them hostage or something?" Orange asked Afro thoughtfully, who was now trying to attach the third guards arms to his body with some duckt tape.

Afro leaned over backwards to respond.

"huh you said something?" as Orange rolled his eyes Afro went back to playing with the set of arms that needed a new home.

Orange at this point decided to give up on talking to Afro, who was now trying to play that kids game Operation.... but with a real body... and walked over to Ghosty.

"Well i think were safe here for the time being since Mr. Murder Pants is all tied up in his own activities and it seems like no one else is coming" Orange stated to Ghosty.

"Why are you telling me this?" Ghosty said. "i may be a horrible monstrosity of nature, but i still have eyes. Be considerate of my feelings. BECAUSE I STILL WISHED I HAD THOES TOO!!!!!"

Ghosty then ghosted to a corner and started to think of things that could happen that are worse then the situation they were in already.

"Just gotta not touch the edges.... DAMN IT!!!" Orange heard Afro behind him.

And as usual Orange was left alone as the only semi-sane one in this mish-mash group.

"Ok guys, How about this then?" Orange spoke up. "We should probably find out when the next guards are coming and who else is in this jail. if they didnt take away our weapons or lock our cell we should probably be able to find some people and have ourselves a jailbreak"

"Fine whatever" Ghosty and Afro said in unison.

Luckily, one of the guards had a prisoner list on him...but since no one in the group could actually read/write, they had to find a prisoner who could. It took awhile but eventually they found a starving librarian and an insane artist. Together, they translated each prisoners name into pretty pictures everyone in the group could understand.

Most of the prisoners there were lame: A guy who stole ducks, a guy who bought stolen ducks, an actual duck. But there where a few interesting names that required further investigation before the next guard group came by.

To break out of this prison, they'd need some really stupid people who thought they could break out to form a distraction while the heroes casually walked out, luckily, prison has the highest percentage of failed criminals anywhere except Mideival New Jersey!

First person to visit was Mr. Thermonuclear Warhead, but seeing his size, they decided to also find his partners in crime, Mr. Cart and Mr. Mule. Together, they walk around until everyone dies a horrific and fiery death (99 on the MMS scale). Then they found the prisoner Sledge Face, whose special ability was to hit people with his face. To round out the distraction team they got some mysterious guy in a suit with a vulture, a briefcase (with blades that was also on fire) and a tank that they somehow allowed him to keep.

This crack squad was informed of the fake plan to break out, involving them attacking the main guard barracks and then surrenduring once the heroes got out. Everyone but Mr. Cart fell for it, but he couldn't talk or make decisions or think.

Just as they were leaving however, a figure appeared in the darkness...IT WAS CHAIR...and he had a tophat on, so no one recognized him anyways.

Yo sup homes, my name's Jerome
I call the Progtropolis jail my home
Because I belong to the warden, it's me he's hoarding
Until I get sick of him, then I'll go Lizzie Borden
Some people call me a raven, but they're just ravin'
I know the real historical part I'm craving
I may locked in a cage, not on the national stage
But in reality, I'm honest Abe
There's one pitfall - I'm not 6 feet tall
And Salmon Chase has never given me the call
Though I tried to make clear, I'm a man to be feared
I keep growing black feathers when I want to grow a beard!
So on a fateful morning, I was giving Joe some scorning
(Joe's the name of the warden who owns me - how boring!)
He quaked "I've got some new inmates who I think are a mistake.
If we don't watch out, they're going to cause a jailbreak!"
I said "Speaking as a U.S. head of state,
It sounds like you're stuck in a stubborn stalemate.
Don't make more blunders, with the pressure you're under;
just put them on a blimp to the northwest tundra."
He said "Jerome, you're completely right in your thinking!"
I said "Thanks, Joe, but I prefer the name of Lincoln."
He sent it right off the bat with his chief diplomat
To tell the jailed heroes where it was at.
Three hours later, I was still in my Oval Office squawking
I tried to reach Seward, but he wasn't talking
Hannibal Hamlin must have been out rambling
Because all that's left was the warden's three buddies all gambling.
Just then the door got smashed with a terrible din
A man with a sledge for a head stomped in
Following him on a cart just as quick as the Zerg
Was a bomb twice the size of the ones at Gettysburg
The warden's three pals all reached for their knives
But Sledge Face was faster, crushinating their lives
Then all that was left was the warden and me
We were pinned down worse than back in 1863
Joe tried to call more guards with the medieval intercom
But Sledge Face said "You move, and we blow up the bomb!"
The warden stopped moving, but he stopped too late
Because Sledge pressed the button marked "DETONATE"
When the smoke cleared, it was as I feared
The room was ashes and the walls had disappeared
In the distance I saw three men and a ghost
Heading southwest towards the Mutation Coast
I saw that one of them had a top hat
He was trying to be Abe - I knew I had to stop that!
So I flew after them, hoped they'd let me stay
So I could steal that hat back some day...

So there they were again again again. The three heros were now leaving the jail section only leaving behind a completely drugged up man who thought he was Abe Lincoln who keep calling Afro Sledge face. so he "gave" his new name to Jerome's face. as he died he mumbled about how the explosions and walls being broken and crazy coasts which all didn't exist.

"Alright guys lets go then!" Orange called out. trying to prevent Afro from murdering more scapegoats for their escape. "their going to die any ways Afro you dont need to speed up the process" he reassumed him. "Well alrighty then. HEY EVERYONE! Were going to be breaking out now, so follow me if you want to live!!!"

Afro let a small tear run down his eye... hes only known Orange for such a little time and yet hes already became such a manipulative psychopath. They grow up so fast....

Orange lead the party up the stairs into the upper chambers were stereotypically castle-esc. behind the regular team a mysterious figure with a top hat and a man with a brief case who complained about not being able to bring his tank but eventually gave in and decided to come along. most of the rest followed too but their lack of importance made them somehow less dispirit and personable.

As they passed through the threshold to the upper hall Ghosty was given the task to use his amazing not being a physical being ability to scout ahead. and as it turned out there were no guards to be found... anywhere. so ghosty ghosted around the castle looking for people until he found them.

Ghosty flew back to the party who had been waiting for his return for a few hours now.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!!!!!" Afro and Orange yelled at Ghosty upon his arrival.

"well you see i was looking for the guards but then i found none so i looked for more guards. wich was still unsuccessful. so then i decided to look for other people. but they were already dead. so i checked the throne room. and theres a new king. He apparently banned all law enfacement including his guards air." Ghosty summarized.

"so we can pretty much just walk out of here" Orange asked

"Ya pretty much, but then again i can't. Because i have no legs. You insensitive monster." Ghosty responded.

So the party then decided to get out of the tank which they were now in because in a hour the Briefcase Man with the briefcase Jiggled the tank sideways up the staircase and into the hall.

as they opened the front door and walked out they suddenly realized the dry characters were still alive so they urged them to go meet their new kind king.

And after "good"byes were said the only two people were left. the Briefcase man and the person who resembled Chair in a top hat.

‎(Scene now in hell) Since there were flames everywhere and lots of unhappy people, Jerome came to the conclusion that he was in hell. Astonished that a drug addled Lincoln could be in hell, Jerome gently weeped as he rode the delevator down to the lowest pits of hell, reserved for those who died of the mysterious plague named ultra death, that seemed to only target those who rhymed too much. Jerome subsequently ceased to exist so much th______

As the heroes walked into the sunset, they heard a faint "splurchg". Turning around, they saw an enormous light, so bright, that if Ghosty Ghost had eyes, they would have been burned off. After much debate amounting to "Yeah huh" "Nuh uh" the heroes concluded that Mr. Thermonuclear Warhead had indeed gone off, wiping roughly four square miles off of the map. Realizing this, the party made little tombstones out of sticks for Mr. Mule, Mr. Cart and Mr. Thermonuclear Warhead.

Leaving no loose ends, and having found the axe-sword they already had, they made their way to find some more money, since they never actually got any money from that last quest.

"So where the hell are we going anyways?" Afro questioned.

"Dunno, probably somwhere south, since I can see the south star in the sky, and I am a starologist" lied Ghosty Ghost again.

"Well, people must have money in the south, so I might finally eat a meal other than regurgitated poptarts...though I do love them" trailed Orange.

"I don't care where we go, as long as I can complete my life long journey to find my true love once more!" Said the mysterious person wearing the tophat that the heroes just realized was following them.

"Yes" said Briefcase Man, as he drove his tank.

"GRAWR, everyone stop talking in order, I want more turns to speak damnit!" Afro bellowed.

The road to the south was an arguous one, with lots of scary animals, like a cougar once, and that really scary bush that Ghosty Ghost thought was a gravity well, and finally a giant medeival robot dinosaur. After these trials, the heros arrived in South Escortopia, the sign read "hand holding is encouraged." The entire group were all somehow not pleased at the same time.

Fortunately, when they were stopped by the border guards, they claimed that the man in the top hat and the man with the briefcase were the people they were escorting, so they were able to pass through Escortopia without incident (except for Afro breaking one of his arms trying to punch down a tree that he claimed was looking the wrong way at him...... See Morefortunately, it healed instantly due to his metal powers).

"So where are we actually going?" Orange questioned. "We've been walking due south for a week, you'd think we'd be due to hit some town that at least has some sort of job for us."

As if on cue, a giant metropolis suddenly popped into view 50 feet in front of them.

"DAMN LOW DRAW DISTANCE!" all three heroes yelled.

The shouting attracted the attention of a herd of rhinos from the nearby savannah, who stampeded towards the band of noble crusaders. Fortunately, briefcase man still had his tank, so the rhinos all bounced off it, enraged but futile. After the rhinos gave up and ran back to the despair of their rhinoid lives (half of them would die of rhino megafever within a year), the captain of the city guard came out. He was on fire.

"Could I get a little help with this?" he asked.

"No," replied Afro, and he burned to death (86 on the MMS). The vice-captain of the city guard then came out. He was not on fire.

"Welcome to South Escortopia!"

"DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNIIIIIITTTTT" everyone yelled, even briefcase man's vulture.

"Just kidding, it's actually S-" but Afro had already grabbed him, ripped off his feet, and thrown him up in the sky. He was later discovered as part of a pack of ravenous puffins that were terrorizing townsfolk in West Puffintopia, but that's a story for anever time...

The vice-vice captain of the city guard came out. He was also not on fire.

"Welcome to...never mind, just get inside the city gates before I have to file MORE workplace injury reports..."

Inside the to-be-named city the technology actually seemed advanced. not like the rustic prog-city now named Doomhammer. there was buildings and skyscrapers all around shops and many hustling bustling people. everyone was mostly happy and everyone seemed to be in somewhat of a harmony together. Metal heads, pop scrubs and everyones else were just not fighting each other.

"So. what the hell are you trying to pull here? Theres no fighting at all no destruction and no bombed out buildings." Afro observed.

The new Captain of the city guard turned around to reply "well you see here at Harmonix we want everyone to be happy!"

"But how is everyone working together?"

"You see Afro" The gaurd captain started to say before he was cut off

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW MY NAME"

"Afro, Dear Afro, we've been watching you for a long, long time. We want you to join up with us in our perfect utopia land. Here no one will mistreat you and no one will ever hurt you. You can be rich here at Harmonix, all you have to do is sign up with us." The Guard Captain said again in a slow melodic voice he stretched out his hand with a waver and a pen.

"you do know he had his fingers crossed the entire time" Ghosty noted.

The Captian went pale. he looked nervously at Afro and then to Kenkon, The Axe-Naginata of Egypt which he was beginning to reach for slowly.

"I assure you i would never do such a thing, why dont you just sign the waver and you can have anything you want! anything at all!" Said the now panicing captain.

"ya i saw that too, he also has a two stickers in his shirt that says 'i hate Dave Mustaine' and one that says 'i love Lady Gaga'" Orange said.

"I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING, ANYTHING YOU WANT ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!!" the panicing/pleading Captain cried.

"ya and you know what i just realized?" Afro said.

"What?" the Captain said in the lowest most defeated tone of all time.

"Well, I love this town." he replied happily.

"OH, well then, i knew you would see the truth--" the Captian said, now recovering from the shock of almost dying.

"but you see i have this one problem."

"oh.... and what is that" he said as he lost all of his skin color again.

"I HATE EVERYONE IN IT!!!!!!!" Afro yelled as he ran the axe that was only made for slashing through the guard's chest armor as if it was made of damp paper. As Afro charged into the streets mutilating and decapitating everyone he could the sound of a intercom coming to life crackled in the city.

"Everyone in Harmonix. Be warned a maniacal, sadistic, psychopathic, arsonistic, indestructible, metal head named 'Afro' has broken into the city with his two henchmen; a pop-tart mutilating drummer that goes by 'Orange' and a intangible rapist. They have challenged everyone in Harmonix by themselves and they will fell the consequences of their actions. The jury of the six sellout bands will defeat them and their atrocious actions!" Speeched the heroic intercom.

The crowd would normally have cheered when the speech ended if they weren't being mangled to bread-thin wafers.

"HEY I DONT MUTILATE POPTARTS! Orange complained to Ghosty "And wasn't i the leader of this group?"

"who cares. of all the things i've dont i get credited only of one i couldn't have done? i mean all the times i crushed random peoples hopes and dreams, i get this? Ghosty sulked.

"Well you just have to make a name for yourself, i guess."

"alright from now on im going to have to make a name for myself" Ghosty thought "I'm Going to be a ___( insert)___"

ARTIST! Luckily, Ghosty Ghost was already proficient at drawing unicorns and unicron accessories, such as unicorn hats, unicorn mittens, unicorn flails, and unicorn rollerblades. Now Ghosty Ghost just had to turn this idle dream into a reality. To do so, he would have to actually sell art. To do that, he would have to be skilled. To be skilled, he would have to KILL EVERY ARTIST BETTER THAN HIM!

Orange watched Ghosty Ghost's face as he randomly made wild eyebrow movements until he randomly shouted "KILL'EM ALL" and ghosted off in the direction of the mediocre art museum in the center of Harmonix.

Orange then turned to his right to see Afro murdering more helpless civilians. Realizing that he was becoming the most sane member of the group, Orange decided to move HIS eyebrows around randomly and then shout "HUMAN FLESH, GRRRRRRREAT!". While not actually a cannibal, to fit in with the cool kids, Orange decided to start eating the dead that Afro had murdered in what could only be described as the ultimate peer pressure complex. So while Orange didn't realize it at the time, he was just as crazy as the rest of his group all along...

Back in the killing fields: Afro was maiming another random peasant when a voice shot down from the stars: Stop thee acts cretin, or though shalt be obliterated by the godly forces of the ultimate and all powerful band to ever exist ever!"

"No, it couldn't be!" Said the whole group in unison somehow.

"Yes, it is your end, the heroes at the end of the road, your final salvation...and destruction, a meadow of grain lifted fromt he coats of those downtrodden"

"GRAAAWR GET TO IT ALREADY" Angered Afro

"We are...COLDPLAY, and we are much better than you!"

"Damnit, this must be the first sellout band we have to face" Ghosted back Ghosty Ghost.

"How do you suppose that? Coldplay always sucked" Reasoned Afro.

"QUIET VERMIN" Colded Coldplay.

"Whatevs, a joke band who somehow sold out after beginning as sellouts, this shouldn't take long." The team again said in unison, except for guy with a suitcase and vulture sitting in a tank, who instead said "yes" at the exact same time.

As the sun set over the nefarious pop-infested city, Coldplay( TM)'s medieval hoverblimp burst into view over the parapets of the mediocre art museum. It was shaped like a giant piranha, but each tooth of the piranha was made of thousands of Dnoralhonian Dollars. They couldn't see anything beyond the colossal mouth of the piranha, until a light shone on and the entire demonic cult known as Coldplay (TM) stepped out on top of the blimp. Then all the other lights went out, including the moon and the stars; three hundred miles south, a bearded madman took the vanishing stars as a prophecy of doom and set off to murder every person without a beard he saw until he saw a man with half a beard and killed himself from confusion induced contusions, 24,536 corpses later. The only light was a giant spotlight focused solely on the singer.

"Hello! I'm Chris Martin (R), and these other less-talented people are the rest of...Coldplay (TM)! " The light flickered on each other band member for an infinitetismally small amount of time. Chris stood there for a minute or two, waiting for the tsunami of applause he had become accustomed to but receiving only a wave of hostility from Afro, who gave him a mutilating stare, Orange, who gave him a tormenting stare, and Ghosty Ghost, who gave him a cancer stare.
"...Alright then. It appears that we have cod you off guard with our koi trap! It may come as a shark, but there's minnow way you can escape now that we've eeled you in! Come, Coldplay (TM) - let's tuna, slaughter them with our devastating corporate concert powers, than go back to our mobs of groupers!"

"...uh, Chris?" It was the drummer (who was also the only intelligent member of the group)

"WHAT IS IT FACELESS BAND MEMBER NUMBER TWO?"

"What's with all the fish metaphors? For that matter, why is our blimp a giant fish?"

"NO ONE QUESTIONS THE UNMITIGATED FINANCIAL SUPERGENIUS OF CHRIS MARTIN (R)!!!! YOU'RE FIRED FROM THE BAND! GET OFF OF CHRIS MARTIN (R) 'S BLIMP AND STOP BREATHING CHRIS MARTIN (R) 'S OXYGEN!" The drummer sadly walked off the blimp, forgetting that he was miles above the city, and died.

"Sorry about that folks - personnel problem. When you deal with a band as financially lucrative as Coldplay (TM), you're bound to get some bad apples in the mix. Now where was I?"

"DYING" replied all the members of the group. Chris Martin (R) began an eerie, soul numbing, spirit-crushing piano part, and the battle was begun to be waged on teh battlefront.

Chris Martin's (R)'s piano's part was recorded and so was the rest of this "concert" because like every concert they decide to milk as much money after it because they didn't earn enough in the first part, or so they think. this recording was later known as Chris Martin: (R): Sounds of Dying. which became a world wide phenomenon boosting them to be even more successful then each other one man band; Elvis, Madonna, The David Grohl Experice ect.

"FEEL MY EMOTION! RED SNAPPER MY FATE! HAMMOK MY LIFE!" Bellowed the singer/entire band. a beam of pure fish based emotional writing flew strait at Orange, Afro and Ghosty and the helpless bystanders near by. Tophat person jumped into briefcase man's tank and they made a new entrence into

"TAKE COVER!!!" Afro yelled. he flung Orange into a nearby Indy Records shop named: Inner Indy. he proceded to fan the ever etherial Ghosty into the building while running to it as well with Kenkon, The Axe-Naginata of Egypt.

"Why did you ever say 'take cover' if you were just going to make us?" Asked Ghosty as he was ghosted by the strong breeze ghosting him into the not so ghosty shop. Afro ignored the question completely.

the bystanders were completely decimated by the attack when it reached the ground. they were all searched through their own possessions for money and threw it up into the air and then offed themselves after declaring that everything in their will belongs to Coldplay (TM) as owned by the appropriate record company in possession of the band. the floating money was all vacuumed up in a large hose coming from the giant Pirana Ship.

All Afro could do was watch. Which he did. And enjoyed.

"Alright Ideas anyone?" Orange spoke up

"Well we could SMG it! anyone know how we could get up there though?" Ghosty said and before he could say any more he was cut off.

"Bullets are dumb. and not metal enough we need to do something awesome." Said Afro "What are the weaknesses of fish?"

"Fine then. i wont help. ill just watch you die and suffer then." Ghosty ghosted ghostily.

"Its ok Ghosty ill listen to you! Come over here with me please!" said the desperate sounding mystery tophat person.

"Finally some respect" ghosty said as he ghosted into the far corner where tophat person had positioned itself.

"How about we.... umm, whats the weakness of sell out bands?" Orange asked

"lets see, disasters i guess. They always seem to be forced to come down from their thrones and play some meaningless free gig as a publicity stunt. that would be the best time to strike. but there isn't one right here and now....." Afro trailed off. he looked at Kenkon in a very non-inconspicuous way.

"Afro. What are you thinking. out with it now." Orange demanded realizing Afro had just triggered something really bad in his own head.

Afro got up.

"Alright, i got a plan." Afro said epicly. "im going to open up a dimensional time hole in the fabric of existence and be back in about fifteen minutes. but in reality i will have trained four hundred years! (remember i cant die)"

"What the f***?" Orange swore. "OH GREAT THE D***ed CENSORS ARE BACK!!!! F***ING HARMONIX!!!!!"

And without much more of a wait Afro sliced opened the dimensions with Kenkon and jumped through while yelling: "ENJOY THE NEXT FIFTEEN MINUTES! SEE YA SUCKAS LATER!!!!" as the hole observed itself and closed.

everyone in the room stared at where the dimension breach was only a second ago.

"WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!" yelled top hat person who flung her arms around ghosty who was sitting next to her but to her disappointment a ghost cannot be hugged and she fell though him.

Chris Martin (R) was quite perplexed watching the people below through his Ivory Tower (which was built with the slave labor of his past bandmates). One of them seemingly disappeared through some sort of time vortex type deal, one was on the ground after trying to hug a ghost, and one was failing at swearing and looking quite bemused. All in all, a good battle for him, since he didn't need to do any work, and he could make people suffer, just like his career!

Then suddenly, out of the corner of Chris Martin(R)'s eye, he saw a flash. "Oh Noes says Chris Martin (R)!" Chris Martin said. Up in the sky, Orange saw a huge flash and then heard a huge bang, and then smelt a huge sulfur smell and then felt a huge shockwave...then tasted a huge pop tart ALL AT THE SAME TIME. As the smoke cleared Chris Martin (R) was looking quite angry as he was bleeding out of his quadular plurplexin, which was his special organ that alllowed him to force people to buy his music.

"What was that? I need a more experienced fighter to explain to me what happened, therebye letting the readers also know what happened!" said Orange in an almost possesed state.

An old man approached from one of the bombed out buildings, with a grizzled face and holding eight swords with his chin, he was clearly a grade B fighter. "Well you see young'in, that feller over there with a vulture and a burning suitcase is in a tank...and shot him with said tank."

"Oh, now I get it, using the tank, he shot him with the tank! What an interesting technique!"

"Indeed it is" said the Suitcase Man finally. "This technique of shooting people with my tank has been passed down through the generations of my family. My father's dying words were: Son, Imma die now, but before I do, remember this advice: Shoot People with that tank over there and they will probably die. Since then, in my father's memory, I have shot people with this tank, and used the money I got from looting them to buy new vultures, suitcases, and tank shells."

"Boy was that an interesting story..." Said Ghosty Ghost, back from not caring about the conversation.

"PAY ATTEEEEEEENCIOOOOON to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" whined Chris Martin (R) as he slowly sank towards the ground, unable to sustain himself off of the unending cash flow of people being forced to buy his albums. "What will I dooooooooooo?"

"Here is a hint:DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" Said Afro, finally coming back from the time warp, slapping Chris Martin (R) so hard he disintegrated on the spot. "I guess my training made him too weak for me to even slap!"

"Actually he was already shot by a tank...you just missed the last 15 minutes" Sassed Orange.

"Yes" Said the person with a tophat, taking off said tophat"

"WHAT!!!!" the whole group said in unison. "IT WAS CHAIR ALL ALONG!!!!"

"I thought you were dead!"
"I thought we killed you!"

"So you thought!" laughed Chair. "You actually just sent me forward in time, to the prison where I would meet you again. And I had to meet you again to let you know of a terrible fate that will befall the world, unless you stop it now!"

"You know, you had two weeks of traveling through Escortopia to tell us..." gronded Orange.

"The time was not as planned then. But now...when you sent me forward in time, it also had to send someone back in time, for time equilibrium to be maintained. That someone was..."

Gunfortunately, Suitcase Man had gotten bored, and he began firing his tank cannon in random directions, drowning out Chair's voice and wreaking further painful destruction upon the inhabitants of Harmonix City. "STOP THAT!" yelled Afro. "WE NEED TO HEAR WHO TO KILL NEXT!"

"WHAAAAT??" yelled back Suitcase Man. He drove his tank closer to hear what Afro was bellowing, but ran over Chair in the process. As Chair was ground under the grinding gizzard of the vulture man's tank, he gasped out one last death sentence..."Ghosty ghooooost...I will never forgggggggeeeeet youuuuuu..."

"THAT DOES IT!" shouted Afro. "WE'RE TAKING AWAY YOUR TANK! I warned you about this the last time you ran somebody over - and that was just a prime minister! This was a REAL PERSON!"

Suitcase Man felt dejectedly sad. Suitcase Man's vulture felt less sad, because the havoc in Harmonix City gave him a delicious banquet, with a Chair-y on top. "Is there anything I can do? Anything to bring Chair back from the dead?"

"No," replied Orange. "That wouldn't be cannon."

After they had recovered from the awful pun, the heroes set off again, to look for a new town where maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't have to kill everyone. But they probably would. Orange was driving the tank now that Suitcase Man had lost his privilege, as they all agreed that Orange was way underpowered and needed a patch. So they marched southwest. Orange was thinking about Chair's cryptic warning. Ghosty Ghost was thinking about Chair's last words. Suitcase Man was thinking about how he had gotten such tankless treatment after all the good work he had done for them. Suitcase Man's vulture was hoping they could murder another metropolis, as he was feeling peckish. And Afro...was Afro.

The city that was almost half left about not destroyed ish loomed in the distance. buildings were on fire, and screams could be heard. with Orange's keen hearing which came with the new patch he distinctly hear a few people saying "Who the f*** destroyed our town." and "why the hell did they do that?"

"Well its a job well done i say." Orange spoke up.

Everyone was Orange's new tank which actually had a TV, six bunks, a kitchen, a bathroom and a commanding room where Orange was at the controls with Briefcase Man in the co-pilot seat showing him how to operate the tank "safely." Ghosty was in a corner now brooding in the kitchen how he lost his one-sided-relationship girlfriend again. And Afro was on a bunk contemplating why the hell he spent the last four hundred years just to slap one person.

"So why did i spend four hundred years by myself in a time rift if you almost one shotted him by the way?" Afro asked

"Well you did finish him off" Orange responded at the same time Ghosty said "Wa wa emo pants"

"But seriously i spent four hundred years becoming inventing fighting techniques and ways to destroy sell outs and other generic bands. and i cant believe we just left after restocking. Coldplay guy said that there was a council of six sell out bands. Coldplay were just one of six, shouldn't we, you know finish the job we started?"

"Well we were never on a job really." Orange said while munching on a Coldplay brand Clocks flavored Pop-Tart. (since when they restocked all they could find was swag and band merch)

A giant earthquake shook the entire tank.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" yelled everyone in the tank.

"HA HA HA HO HO HO!!!!!" yet another mysterious voice yelled

"wahoo. another voice from no where. how original." Afro commented

"LOOK OUTSIDE YOU FOOLS!" yelled the now more angry voice.

Orange turned the tank around so we could see where this voice was coming from. four bands stood in-between the heros and the half annihilated city. AC/DC, Papa Roach, Limp Bizkit, Green Day, and KISS (who all could fly).

"WE ARE THE COUNCIL OF SIX!" they yelled in unison.

"now five" Ghosty said aside

"NOW WE WILL USE OUR POWER OF SELL OUT TO RUIN YOUR LIVES!!!"

"i dont have one" Ghosty said aside again

"TAKE THIS THEN MR SARCASTIC!!!!" they said as they charged a powerful beam.

"Dont worry ive got this i can stop any weapon they have." Afro got infront of Ghosty to protect him.

and once the beam was charged and let loose by the sell out bands Ghosty disappeared with a loud "POP" noise.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!!" yelled Orange.

"THE SAME THING THAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU!!!" They yelled

*POP* orange was gone

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!!!" Yelled Afro.

"THIS!!!!!"

*POP* Afro was gone

"NO ILL AVENGE THEM!!!!!" Yelled Briefcase Man

*POP* The Tank, Briefcase Man were gone but the bird remained behind.

"HAHAHAHAHAH!!! WE HAVE DEFEATED THEM!!!" they all cackled with glee.

(Fadeout)

(Fade in to darkness)

Afro woke up. He was alone, or from what he could tell.

"ANYONE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!?????" he yelled, no one relied.

The moon was out above him.

Afro needed to think, one moment he was not fighting them so he was out of combat. out of combat spells. Dimensional Gate.

"THOES WIMPS!!!!!" He exclaimed.

they just telported everyone away instead of fighting. they couldn't have set up more then one location so everyone must be at least ten miles away.

A cannon sounded from a mile away.

"well thats where ill start looking i guess." he said to himself as he got up swung Kenkon on his back and started walking.